I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
