i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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