he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
