I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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