I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize