I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found your dick twin last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
