Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
