did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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