rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
