The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize