I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
