if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
