I wish you could order shots online.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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