Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
try to milk me bitch
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