If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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