Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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