There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
