im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
