the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
