Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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