Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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