that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize