Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
