yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
