i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We are two peas in an std pod
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
