I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
