Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
