Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
