To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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