oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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