While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
