since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
