her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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