and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
