State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
