I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize