I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize