Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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