she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize