Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
