thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
