so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
