So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
