Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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