matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize