the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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