Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
