allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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