you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
