I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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