I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
