Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
