guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
