i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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