The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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