oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
