New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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