ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
