Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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