Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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