I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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