I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
