I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
