it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
