if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize