when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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