i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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