You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
