Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
