I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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