She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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