the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What a dumb baby whore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
