how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
