How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
