my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
