i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
