yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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