There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
