how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
