used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
