Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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