Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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