Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
