who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
