you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
