I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
