This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
zippers are such a cool invention
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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