i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
