i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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