I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
