i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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