She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize