Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
