your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
