It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
