Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
