how can u be prego again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
