just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
