So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
