I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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