It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
