Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
