It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
