Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
