2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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