So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize