Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
